“Lost in a dark part”
Dear Remy,
I spent a large part of 2023 filming a reboot of a classic movie. It has skyrocketed my profile and was creatively freeing, but I also fear I have “lost myself” in the part. I played an unflinching bully, and I think it has unlocked something in me. Something dark.
Since we wrapped, I find myself intent on breaking the spirit of anyone unfortunate enough to cross my path.
My driver won’t talk to me, all because I compared his driving style to the “It’s a Small World” ride. My personal chef hasn’t returned to work since I remarked that I could find better sliders in the dumpster at Wendy’s.
And my PA began giving me the silent treatment the day I told her her new jacket made her look like a Walmart-brand Christmas tree.
The truth is: I think I enjoyed all of these conversations.
As a young actor in Hollywood, I’ve been asked to bend and mold myself to the whims of the industry. I worry this is me “kicking back.” Is there a healthier way I can channel this incursive impulse?
Dear Unflinching Bully,
As you have the self-awareness to suggest, these outbursts could well be you kicking back after years of suppressing your anger at the industry.
We often think of anger as a “bad” emotion, but anger is a useful, necessary and powerful energy.
It should not be blocked or pushed aside. Equally, it’s not appropriate or fair for you to vent at paid underlings, like your PA or your driver.
There are plenty of other outlets for your rage that won’t lead to an employment lawsuit and/or you being cancelled. Why not let out your fury at the Tinseltown machine by kickboxing, beating your mattress with a baseball bat, or screaming obscenities at the Hollywood sign at 3 am?
Remy Blumenfeld is a veteran TV producer and founder of Vitality.Guru, which offers business and career coaching to high performers in media. Send queries to: guru@vitality.guru
Questions edited by Sarah Mills